Maybe the partner you relocated from could’ve experienced some trauma from that move. “Your first love, depending on how long ago you broke up, might have evolved completely differently than you,” Johnson says. But recognize that you can’t build a relationship entirely based on the past. If you and your ex ended primarily because of circumstances - like if you went to different colleges, or their family moved away - and not due to incompatibility, maybe you have a shot worth shooting. If you met someone in those juvenile years, when you perhaps felt like you didn’t know yourself well or were still finding your footing, there’s every chance that the two of you have found your footing and can reconnect romantically.” 6. “We do a lot of growing that whole decade. “In our 20s, we’re learning about who we are, how we show up in the world, and who we want to welcome into our lives,” Ryan says. Henrik Sorensen/DigitalVision/Getty Imagesįirst loves, by their very nature, often happen when we’re relatively new to the dating game. “With any new relationship, communication is key, and with rekindling an old one, it’s very vital,” says MoAndra Johnson, a therapist who specializes in relationship conflict. Just keep in mind that there’s never a guarantee it will work. It might feel risky to put a friendship in jeopardy, but if you have a solid foundation of communication and respect, talking about something like a past (and potentially future) romantic relationship should be possible. Who’s to say that connection couldn’t turn romantic again? If you’ve managed to stay connected with your first love after 5, 10, 20, or 30 years, you clearly have a strong connection. So if the past is lingering even when you’re happy, you might not have fully moved on. A 2013 study in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that as relationships decline, longing for ex-partners increases. It's easy to default to the past when we're unhappy with the present. If you've moved on with your life and dated other people, but your first love is still on your mind, it’s worth asking why - especially if things are going well with a different partner. You Both Still Have Feelings For Each Other Here, experts outline 12 signs that your relationship could overcome the odds. We’ll keep our fingers crossed for J.Lo and Ben, and maybe for you and your first love, too. “However, it’s very rare that people get back together and has the legs to run the distance.” “There’s no right or wrong in revisiting relationships that have passed and seeing if there’s a strong enough foundation for it to flourish again,” she says. That doesn’t mean reconsidering your first love is a doomed mission. “We can find ourselves romanticizing them.” “Often when we’re taking stock of previous relationships, we can somehow remove ourselves from the emotions at the time of the breakup,” says Sarah Louise Ryan, a UK-based dating and relationships expert. Earlier this week, when asked about the coupledom in an interview with Hoda Kotb, Lopez side-stepped the question, saying instead, “The message of healing and love is more prevalent than ever.” (And OK, he wasn’t technically her first love - she was married when they met - but she has called him her first real heartbreak.) A 2019 study in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that we’re more likely to think positively about exes when we’re single or haven’t fully accepted a breakup, which could account in part for their reunion. And if Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck’s recent rekindling is any indicator, it’s certainly possible. Imagining a romantic reunion with your first love is a heady drug.
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